Listening to Hilary Duff, Fly and Come Clean. Feeling moody now. Blasting the speakers aways. Dear just told me over messenger that he won't be able to spend much time with me. I guess I've been gearing myself for this confirmation for some time. I guess this is what they mean by the loneliness when your boyfriend is in the army. It's the holidays for me now. Took up General Elective, Manage Your Career Development, so as to clear my subjects as fast as possible, and part of the reason is that so I won't feel alone. Yeah I know. I still have friends right? But they have their own lives to lead. Doesn't mean that I'm free, they're free.

I guess no one can understand how I feel unless they've been through it before. It's not that I'm so totally dependent on my boyfriend. It's just that, I only get to see him one day, out of 7 days. To be exact, less than a day if you count the hours. On Saturdays, we usually meet around evening time, around 4 pm, till at night 12am. Then we'll meet on Sundays, around 1-2pm till 4pm. How is that enough? Do the maths and compare it to the ratio of the total number of hours in a week. Is that few hours spent together enough to share about each other's events and incidents that all occured during the whole week? It's not even enough to communicate with each other. Sometimes, I can't even remember what I wanna tell him during my weekdays.

Yes, he does call everynight. But I feel talking over the phone can't bring out the meanings and exact emotions which I wanna express to him. Over the phone, I can only hear his voice, and the frequent 'Chorus' of ccb, knn, kns lyrics spewed out generously from his bunkmates. Call me demanding, a shrew, whatever. But how am I gonna converse with him with so much interferences?

I'm disappointed. In what? Can't point my finger at it. But all I know is that, I'm so used to the disappointment that it doesn't hurt anymore. Who am I kidding myself? Why am I still waiting at home for his call on his night out to ask me out? I confess that I can't wait for school term to reopen. Cause that is when I'll be busy again, I will be burying my head in the books, loneliness will not creep into my life. I'm going to look for a vacation job after the General Elective. I'm gonna work my ass out. It doesn't matter anyway. Afterall, after work, I still go home. It's not like I've appointments to keep to. Why don't I earn more money?

I feel that I'm evolving into another person. I want a fast-paced life. I don't want life to slow down. I don't want to idle, to wait and lie to myself to stuffs that will never happen. I wanna fly...